Power

power (pow-er) n 1. the ability to do something. 2. vigor, energy, strength 4. control, influence

We all have it to some extent or another.
And what we do with it is very important.
We can use it to control or manipulate someone to get what we want from them.

Or we may be allowing someone to have that same power over us.

How do you know when someone has power over you?

• you feel intimidated by their presence or their expectations of you
• you're afraid of how they'll react to you when they don't get what they want from you
• they come to mind often and in an oppressive manner
• you feel anxiety when you think about them
• you don't want to run into them or talk to them on the phone
• you're not comfortable being vulnerable with them
• you don't trust them       

Once you recognize a person in your life who has power over you, you need to take the next vital step. Here's the healthiest thing you can do for yourself and that person: Get your power back. Yes, you need to get your power back. You don't want your mindset to remain in an unhealthy, anxious state. That's not good for anyone.

Of course, we know that some positive change can be a challenge to embrace. Old mindsets die hard, especially when we've been in them for long periods of time, if not a lifetime.

But it's not impossible to change your mindset concerning a person who has power over you. 

One thing you may want to keep in mind: this person may not know they have power over you. It may just come naturally to them the way they act and react toward you. So, I think it's best not to make any assumptions about a person's motive or why they act toward you the way they do. There may be things going on in that person's life, in whatever dimension, that you know nothing about. The object is not to cast blame on a person but to make a change in YOUR mindset that will enable you to get your power back. 

And how do you do that?

First, you need to recognize what kind of power they have. Is it relational? Is it expectations? Is it the demeaning way they speak about you? Do they invalidate you or your emotions, feelings, and point of view?

Once you have determined the kind of power they have, you can discern where your mindset needs to change toward them. You have to set boundaries or perimeters with what you will allow from them into your life. 

In other words, you may need to say, NO, when they ask you to do something. Or you may need to speak up for yourself and not allow that person to insult you or invalidate you. If they are not willing to change in their behavior toward you, you may need to limit your exposure to that person. They are obviously toxic to you. 

Saying no isn't easy, especially when we're used to just allowing powerful people to have their way with us.

But once you start to say no and lay those very appropriate boundaries, you may be surprised by the respectful reaction you may receive from that person. But even if they don't respond positively or respectfully toward you, you are doing so toward yourself.

Yes, showing yourself respect is one way to get your power back. 

Another way is to not allow another person to define you by what they say to you or about you. 

Recognizing and facing your fears in connection with their unmet expectations of you is also empowering. 

When you start to make these mindset and action changes concerning those who have had an active, powerful, negative force in your life, you will begin to experience a shift in your emotions and in the way you see yourself. 

You may be surprised by the confidence that grows, the more decisive you become, and even the better person you evolve into in the process. Yes, getting your power back can make you a better individual. Because when you focus your mindset in a more positive way that brings freedom, that positive energy will spread to those around you. And ultimately, the changes you create in your life will enable you to make a positive mark in your world. 

And then, once you get your power back, you can show others how to get theirs back too. 

And you know what happens? Your relationships grow. Your bonds with others take on a new dimension. And that person who once had power over you may see the change in you and even like what they see. They may recognize why you did what you did and want to do the same thing in their own lives. 

Positive change often begets positive change. 

Let 's use our power in a way that will change the world and make it a healthier, safer, more positive place. 

Where is your power today?

© 2011 by Dawn Herring