Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Best Friends

Best Friends.

When you read those words, what comes to mind?

A confidant with whom you can share your inner most thoughts who doesn't judge you but appreciates your point of view.

Someone who stands up for you when another criticizes.

The source of the beautiful smile that brightens your day.

One who affirms you and appreciates your terrific qualities but doesn't condemn you for the ones that are not so terrific.

Someone you just love to go shopping with who always knows what really looks good on you.

The person who knows all your favorites and can sometimes finish your sentences.

One who trusts you to keep a secret and knows how well you will really understand her struggles.

The person who stands by you when you are in your darkest moments, no matter what.

If you have a person in your life who reflects these qualities, you probably thought of them after the first line. You might even have had a fun or poignant memory surface that you treasure. Perhaps you thought about something funny they said that you knew you would laugh about later, prompting a chuckle.

Best Friends leave a mark on our lives that is indelible. Each one carries a star quality that no one else has; you appreciate their uniqueness. They bring out nuances in you no one else does.

And it's mutual: Respect. Care. Love. Faithfulness. Appreciation. Kindness. Laughter.

When that friendship comes to an end for whatever reason, it changes you. It marks you for life. Because that friend who you truly valued added a dimension to your life that you won't forget. It will always live in your memory.

Friendship is a vital part of our lives. It's something that cannot be taken for granted. Especially when you know it may not last forever.

There is a time and place for people, for friends, in your life. Some stick around for years, to the point where you can't remember what life was like without them. Some stick around for just a short time because whatever their purpose was in your life has concluded.

When it's time to say goodbye, it is often unexpected. Sometimes it's due to a move to another city, and you simply lose touch.

Or issues arise that cannot be remedied, and they become a barrier to the friendship you have created; and when it ends, it leaves a scar. It pains you to let it go.

And you wonder how you'll go on without their dimension in your life.

People always have a purpose in our lives. When we understand that, it is easier to look back, appreciate all we experienced and learned, and then Move On. No, it isn't easy. Sometimes it can break your heart.

But a broken heart can be mended, made whole. And a new, vitally important person will enter your life, with a multi-dimensional purpose to help you grow from where you are right now.

This can be one of the most complicated areas of our lives to understand. But when time is taken to assimilate where we are in our friendships and where we would like to go, we will have a clearer perspective on what is and isn't working.

Then we'll see the good in all of it. And embrace whatever change in necessary or unavoidable. We're then ready to move on and become the person we are meant to be as a result of that friendship.

If you feel you need to step out of a person's life because you are no longer on the same page, please do it gently, kindly, and with compassion. Otherwise, it can leave a injurious scar that may take many years to heal.

And if you know someone who is hurting because a Best Friend has rejected them and said hurtful things, embrace that one and let them know how valuable and important they are, so they know they are not alone.

Because you may have been or may be there yourself.
And to have a friend is to be a friend.

That's what friends are for.
What kind of friend are you?

© 2010 by Dawn Herring

7 comments:

Unknown said...

In the last year, I've been learning more and more about how the best way to gain a good friend is to be one. Relationships are a two-way street, and, most of the time, we get what we give.

Dawn Herring said...

K.M.,
Thanks for stopping by. I believe if someone is ready to receive what you have to give, and they are in a place where they can give in return, it's mutually beneficial. And that's always a win-win! It really doesn't work if it's only one sided. It should be beneficial to both in the friendship. :)Here's to being a friend! *clinks glass*
Be refreshed, Dawn

Patty Sherry said...

Lovely blog Dawn,

The unconditionality of a best friend is a treasure to give and to receive.

Anonymous said...

Dawn this was beautiful. You covered every aspect of friendship.

I try to be a good friend, I try very hard to be the kind of friend that I want. The part I am the WORST with is the telephone! I am great at emails but not the phone.

I love the part about stepping out of the persons life in a caring way to avoid causing emotional injury. Unfortunately there are few who do that.

I had a dear, dear friend for over 20 years that I just adored. (we were roommates in college). 9 years ago she stopped communicating with me. To this day I have no idea why. I have written countless letters (snail mail), emails, made phone calls, sent cards, etc, etc literally begging to know what happened. Not one was answered. I still don't know. I only know she is alive and ok. If you need to move on at least give your friend some closure.

That was a beautiful piece.
Thank you!

Caren Gittleman, Cat Chat http://opcatchat.blogspot.com

Dawn Herring said...

Patty,
I couldn't have said it better myself. :)

Caren,
Thanks so much for sharing your friend story; It can be quite difficult to deal with a situation when you don't the 'why'. It can be unfortunate when there's a lack of understanding concerning the demise of a relationship.
I appreciate your energy and sincerity. Thanks for your encouragement and your comment. :)

SifaSeven said...

Being a best friend is being able to be funny and stupid without fear of rejection.Always being there for them, but still able to give reality checks now and then.

Nice blog entry.

Annie (aka ladyrainbow, artistmum)

Dawn Herring said...

Annie,
Great to see your comment! Yes, I agree. It's a must to be able to laugh as well as cry with a BFF. Reality checks are essential, and coming from a BFF, they can really hit home, in a good way. :)
Thanks for stopping by.
Dawn

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Three Steps Toward Accountability...to Yourself (as published in SFC Newsletter, Dec 08 edition)

Accountability: to give a reckoning or explanation for one’s actions, responsible.

When most people think of accountability, they often negatively associate it with answering to others, such as a spouse, a friend, a mentor, or, in most cases, a boss. As a writer, you are your own boss, which is one of the reasons that you need to be accountable to yourself. And it can be a positive experience rather than a negative one.

The first step in being accountable to yourself as a writer is setting goals for your writing and keeping track of projects you want to finish. Incurring a deadline for yourself can help
motivate you in this area. This step can also include daily writing goals. Some authors plan how many words or pages per day they will write.
I’ve set goals for myself as a writer by making them reachable and attainable. This year I have set a goal to write at least one scene for my novel per week and at least one other piece,
whether it be memoir or essay, per week. That can mean just making notes, writing a first draft, or revising a draft.
As long as your goals keep you moving forward and you’re making progress, then you know you’re headed in the right direction.

Once you have your goals set, the next step in accountability to yourself is writing down what you accomplish each day. You can use a daily calendar just for writing or keep track of your
daily accomplishments on your computer. I designed a custom monthly writing calendar. It helps me track what I write daily, whether or not I’ve met my goal for the week, and it has
space for ideas for future writing pieces. I also have a spot to keep track of books I’m reading for that month. I use abbreviations to keep the daily writing easier and to save space. As I review each completed month, I can go back to see what I’ve accomplished and keep track of when I wrote each piece.
Whether you use something pre-made or customize something for yourself, use whatever works for you and helps you stay accountable to yourself.

A third, and perhaps most important, aspect in accountability in your writing is taking care of yourself as a writer. Than can mean giving yourself space and not being hard on yourself if
you don’t reach your goals each day or each week.
Flexibility and refreshment are paramount to your health as a writer. It also frees up your creativity and can actually help you produce more quality writing in the long run.
I enjoy writing in my journal, reading fiction or memoir, and watching a good movie with my family. Taking a walk, listening to music, talking with your family members, and just taking time to sit and enjoy life are all ways you can be good to
yourself—and ultimately accountable—as a writer.

Learn to celebrate your accomplishments and your uniqueness as a writer. That’s one of the best ways to be accountable—to yourself!