Enough

I love the sound of the word: Enough.
It has a finality and a reassurance to it that makes any situation feel full. Whether it be having enough at a meal where you feel satisfied but not over bloated, or filling a shopping cart with just the essentials, because that is all you need.

But there are situations that may not seem so clear, where you might think that what you have is not enough.
Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference, since we can think something is insufficient when it meets the need but not necessarily to our liking. Are we just being picky, or is there really an adequacy issue to be addressed?

It's important for us to know when things are right and when they're not.

I had plans to work in my art journal this past weekend, but I wasn't exactly sure what I was going to do. I had a picture from a magazine that I had pulled while doing image work a couple of months ago which was of an infant in a hospital bassinet, with a hole on the side for a person to reach out and touch the child even if they couldn't hold the them due to frail health. It is what I considered a precious visual of a child clinging to life and to the love of a caring hand. I was determined to use it in one way or another, whether through collage or an art rendering through a specific medium.

I had been studying watercolor art primarily through books and some local art work, so I considered the possibility of applying what I'd learned to the page with this image.

I had this photo in mind all week and decided this would be the weekend I would proceed with an art rendering. But I wasn't sure if it would be too large for my art journal or what medium I would use. I had the stiple method with pen and ink in mind, but I also considered watercolor or, perhaps, both.

When I finally approached my art easel yesterday (Sunday), I determined it would be only watercolor in my art journal. This would be my first attempt at human skin in the medium. I continued to hope my studies would be applied well to the paper.

I did a sketch of the subject, which took an hour in itself due to the detail of value study that was required. Once I had that down, I had to mix a variety of color from my watercolor trays (not tubes), which I tested and tried based on the color study I did of the human skin.

Once I had that ready, I laid out the first wash, then all subsequent glaze layers with each drying time (which I hastened with a blow dryer, which really works!).

I did take one break to eat a snack. Other than that, I was at the easel for 3 1/2 hours. I had no idea how much time had passed, being completely immersed in my art. I was exhausted by the time I was finished with the human skin. I still had the T-shirt to paint with shadow, which would require very light watercolor washes.

But in the process of my attempt, the color was too dark, and I was unable to work it lighter. No matter how many techniques or different mixes I tried, it just wasn't working. I had lost my patience. So I just filled the area with the colors I used for the skin while the page was wet (wet in wet technique) and said, I'm done with this.

I was distressed that I had put all the time I did into it, and I felt that I had finished with a wrong energy. I wasn't pleased.

I signed the page and moved on.
I almost didn't want to tell my family I finished, because I wasn't happy with the result. I felt as if it wasn't enough. That it wasn't finished. I had disappointed myself with this end, that didn't feel like a proper one.

But, alas, I was being too hard on myself, as my daughter, Hannah, told me.

I wrote about this experience in my journal entry this morning; I wondered how I would feel each time I saw what I deemed an incomplete work of art whenever I passed it during my day's activities. (I always leave the most recent work exposed during the week until I do another page; it inspires me most of the time.)

Then I realized and determined in my mind, it is more than enough. It is complete as is.
Sometimes things in life don't feel complete even though they really are.
They may not meet our expectations, but they are still complete.
We just have to see them that way. It truly is a matter of perspective.

So, now when I look at this watercolor rendering, I see a lesson learned.
It is enough. What I did is enough. And ultimately, I am enough.
Just as I am. Just as my art is. Right now.

And so are you. You are enough. Even if you feel like you aren't. Even if you feel like you're inadequate. Do all you can do and know it is enough.

We must be satisfied with what we can do. With our best.
And then look at our lives as a work of art.
Because that is what they are.
That is what we are.
A Work of Art.
Signed by the Hand of the Creator.

© 2011 by Dawn Herring